Sad Departure

Well, this is it, I'm leaving Brazil today, as I write this I'm on a plane bound for Belem, then Manaus, then Miami, then Atlanta, then Boston, then Northborough, then bed. I still have a long way to go and it's already been a trying experience. First there was the crying and hugging and kissing goodbyes as we waited for my flight to start boarding. Then, once I had gotten through the metal detectors and into the federal passport checkpoint, the clerk asked for my customs ticket, and showed me a copy of a ticket much like the one I filled out on the plane on the way here. "Holy S%#$, what did I do with that damn thing?!" I thought to myself, my heart skipping a beat or two.

"I don't know." I hear myself say, unable to come up with anything more than that.

"If you don't have your customs ticket, you will have to pay a fine, one mil dollars."

"A MILLION dollars!!!!!" I think to myself, really starting to panic now and unzipping my laptop case in a frantic rush. About halfway through unzipping the second pocket to rummage frantically, I realize that "mil" in protuguese means thousand. I'm still not particularly happy with the prospect, but at least it's not beyond comprehension.

In the back pocket of my laptop case, I find the slightly green sheet, stuck between an unopened piece of mail and a couple Brazilian DVDs Ana burned for me and breathe a sigh of relief, handing it to the customs clerk. He stamps it and hands me back my passport, the nightmare ends. Seriously, if they expect you to keep this thing on you for when you leave, there should be a big sign on it that says, "YOU BETTER F$#*ing HOLD ON TO THIS OR WE'LL CHARGE YOU $1000!" There should be flashing lights and warning sounds when they hand it to you, and it should come with a giant piece of duct tape so you can secure it firmly to your forehead.

Handy travel tip: Don't travel with any liquid at all in your carry on bag, unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. I know, I know... they let you travel with 3 ounce containers in a clear plastic bag, blah, blah, blah, blah... But when you go through the checkpoint they have to inspect your tiny little containers and make sure they're all under 3 ounces, and they all have to fit jammed into that stupid plastic bag. Besides, unless it's a secret formula that turns lead into gold, or the cure for a virus that will wipe out mankind, what do you need with it on you at all times anyway? If you get stuck somewhere you can buy more shampoo, soap, deodorant, vodka, whatever.